i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
