Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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