the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
