the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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