i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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