life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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