His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it glows. i had to have it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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