New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
