i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
