I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
