We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
