Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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