there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
