I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
