You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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