i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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