Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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