p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
