i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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