I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
