You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize