party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
whose parrot is this?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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