dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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