do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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