Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
