That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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