Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize