BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
