no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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