It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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