Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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