I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
