So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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