She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This house was built for laser tag.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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