OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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