nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
