Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
