I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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