Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
