I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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