probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
