I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
