ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I did not marry a roomba.
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