So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
