I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
