I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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