i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
