This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
