so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's always time for handjobs
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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