I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
