I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
