I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
