I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
