My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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