At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
