i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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