the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
