I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
