Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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