I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
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I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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