My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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