oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
