Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
