Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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