OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
