Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
