He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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