I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i love accidental penises.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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