he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
