I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
