Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
