I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
