I want to walk on stilts...naked
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How external is "for external use only"?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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