dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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