May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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