I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
