dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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