1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
