i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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