its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
