Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
