She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
