you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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