can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I could fuck to npr.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
