we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
